Motherhood, Redefined: Food for Thought from our First ‘Dinner & Dialogue’
Food for Thought from our First ‘Dinner & Dialogue’
Therapist Uncensored and Sura Hertzberg
Sep 25, 2026
With careful planning and some good fortune, we hosted our inaugural Dinner & Dialogue to Redefine Motherhood event during the harvest season, a week shy of the magnificent Harvest Moon and two days before the Autumnal Equinox. This event was inspired by a new season in our lives - both professionally and personally - where the complex topics of Motherhood and community-building feel especially poignant. While this season is meant to usher in the gathering of the seeds planted in months past (reap what you sow, and all), it also provides the opportunity to really see what we've brought to Mother Earth’s surface and reflect on the planting-sowing season. It is a time of joy and gratitude as well as contemplation. In many ways, that was what we hoped to do around the table: gather what we have inherited, what we have cultivated, and what we may be ready to redefine or reimagine. Together, we began to consider what we might sow differently—for ourselves, for one another, and for the generation to come.
Fourteen women - spanning different generations, races and backgrounds, experiences and orientations to Motherhood - came together last week to nourish our bodies (shout out to our wonderful chefs, Ashley and Nora, at Uproot Culinary!) and our souls through round-table discussion, guided breakout conversations, and moments for personal reflection. There were countless beautiful moments punctuated by thunderous “booms” from the spontaneous, colorful fireworks close by. Here are a select few that we’re still chewing on…
Motherhood is an identity-making experience, one that sometimes comes with identity loss.
A recurring refrain was the question: “Who am I after becoming a mother?” Participants spoke about feeling as if they lost parts of themselves through the enormous devotion motherhood demands, while also describing motherhood as a new opportunity for self-discovery. This appeared again in the discussion of Perimenopause as a kind of rebirth, one where a woman has the unique challenge and opportunity to “birth” herself into her next developmental stage, beyond the transformational transition into Matrescence. Motherhood was discussed as less of a fixed identity; rather, it is something that continually asks women to meet themselves again.
We are mothering in conversation with the mothers who came before us.
So much of the discussion felt intergenerational. Participants reflected on how they were mothered, what they wanted to carry forward, and what they consciously wanted to do differently. The image of the self-sacrificing or martyr mother came up with gratitude and reverence, alongside a desire to reject that model. To allow for pleasure, closeness, separateness, work, rest, and, most importantly, choice. The motherless mother adds another layer: becoming a mother can reopen the relationship with one’s own mother, whether she is present, absent, or lost, both in real and symbolic ways.
There is no “right” way to mother.
The myth of the perfect mother sat alongside conversations about plans, partnership, single motherhood, work, and the unexpected trajectories our lives take. Participants questioned whether the desire for motherhood belonged to them independently or had once been imagined specifically within partnership. Motherhood is a place where certainty meets unpredictability. We can discuss hopes, dreams, values, and parenting philosophies before trying to conceive, but we cannot fully know who we (or our relationships) will become through the experience.
Motherhood can be profoundly lonely, which makes community or the idea of the “village” quite important.
Isolation appeared in several forms: loneliness in the experience of motherhood, the fragmentation of working motherhood, and the sense that certain experiences are difficult to articulate to people who haven't lived them. Participants described creating alternative forms of care and connection, from “care swaps” to simply being in a room with women who “get it.” Even the hesitancy to “open the can of worms” pointed toward how deeply necessary these spaces may be: the things that feel hardest to say can sometimes be precisely the things we need to say in community.
Mothering may be bigger than motherhood.
One of the most expansive ideas of the evening was: “We’re all mothering life.” As the evening progresses, the conversation pushed beyond Motherhood as simply a biological relationship between a woman and her child. Mothering appeared as an action: creating, tending, protecting, choosing, nurturing, and releasing. Mother Nature, the idea that “the egg chooses,” children leaving home, women choosing whether to become mothers, and women birthing projects or new versions of themselves all seemed to circle the same question: What if mothering is not only something we are, but something we do?
We left the table with fewer answers, but better questions. If the evening reminded us of anything, it was how much there is to gain from making space for the conversations we are often having quietly, internally, or not at all. This was our first Dinner & Dialogue, our very first harvest, if you will. It has only strengthened our belief that we must keep setting the table for connection and conversation that linger long after the plates. We’d be honored to have you at our table. Join us!
Warmly,
If you would like to be on the waitlist for our next Dinner & Dialogue, scheduled for February 2027, and stay updated with other events and happenings, we invite you to join here.
Sura and Gwen, September 19, 2026 - Inaugural ‘Dinner & Dialogue’ to Redefine Motherhood
With Gratitude to Our Sponsors
A dinner like this takes a village. We’re so grateful to the women and businesses who helped make our first Moms. Dinner & Dialogue feel nourishing, beautiful and deeply held.
Melissa Whippo, LCSW, and Deva Collective. Melissa is a psychedelic-assisted therapist, a cherished friend, and the founder of Deva Collective, a nonprofit that works to make healing more accessible. Her care for women and for community runs through everything she touches. Thank you, Melissa, for helping sponsor others’ attendance, your own wisdom and presence as well as the fun Deva swag! We’re proud to also support your work to "advance women's health with sacred plant medicine."
Zhena Muzyka and Magic Hour. Zhena started her first tea company as a pregnant single mother at her kitchen table in the Ojai Valley. She has said tea is “about connection, about slowing down and appreciating the moment,” and that is exactly the spirit we hoped to create around our table. Thank you for the Libra Shatavari-Cardamom-Rose White Love Cake Tea that warmed our evening - it truly was the perfect complement to cap our Luteal dessert night cap. We’re thrilled to keep sipping together as the series grows.
Juliette Pruneau, Professor Seagull’s Smartshop and the Church of Mother Gong. This North Beach gathering place, where plants, art, education and ceremony meet, calls itself “a living social sculpture.” Thank you, Juliette, for the abundant and vibrant gift bags filled with sacred gifts for our guests, and for bringing a touch of wonder to our night.
Phoebe Noel McPherson’s Fun Guys. Phoebe is an herbalist, plant-medicine educator and space-holder. She co-founded Fun Guy to bring functional mushrooms and kanna to people with care, transparency and a real dose of joy. Thank you for your wonderful Kanna contributions!
Small Frys and Flora Grubb Gardens, women-owned and operated. Small Frys is a beloved San Francisco children’s shop that has championed local designers and small makers since the 1980s. Flora Grubb Gardens is a Bay Area icon for showing how lush and soulful a climate-wise garden can be. Thank you both for the stunning succulents. You helped make our table feel alive.
Chefs Ashley and Nora of Uproot Culinary. And of course, our fantastic chefs. Ashley and Nora fed us with skill, heart and a harvest-season menu we dreamed of creating. We’re honestly still drooling over the Luteal Chocolate Mousse and caramel salted ginger cookie! Thank you for nourishing every woman at the table, body and soul.
And closer to home…
Sura Hertzberg of Sex & Psychedelics. Sura founded Sex & Psychedelics in 2022, a print magazine and community that opens honest, curious conversation about two subjects too often kept in the shadows. Her background as an artist, intimacy coach and mental health professional shapes how she holds space, and it shaped this table. Thank you to the Sex & Psychedelics community for coming together and continuing to show up with the invaluable investment of time, energy and trust in this work!
Gwen Pelfini of Rooted Ethos. Rooted Ethos is Gwen’s integrative psychedelic-assisted therapy practice. It’s grounded in the belief that healing happens in relationship, and that a well-held space can change a lot. Thank you to the Rooted Ethos team for your trust in the power of the divine feminine force of creation, collaboration, and for supporting a vision of motherhood with room for every part of us.
With love and gratitude,
Gwen & Sura